"The Ruler of the Light"
Addiction can be defined as, "a dependence on a behavior or substance that a person is powerless to stop." In the U.S., addiction is one of the most costly public health problems. When we hear the word costly, usually the first thing that comes to mind is money, but if we are addicts or know an addict, we know that money isn't the most expensive cost of addiction.
Addiction is something that steals one's life, personality, passion, and the will to live. It definitely did all of those to me. My life used to be filled with activities, hobbies, and people that I truly enjoyed. As I allowed my addiction to enslave me, I began to lose all of those things, and my life no longer belonged to me. It became my addiction, and I was lost in a cycle of self-destruction.
As my addiction took over my life and took away the things I loved, I saw myself slip away into the shadow of denial. For a period of time longer than I would like, I denied and justified my problems and their relationship to my addiction.
Now, as I try to move forward into recovery and discover my soul again, I feel as though I am being reborn and growing up all over again. I must learn new habits and rituals. I must learn how to enjoy each day for myself and rely on my own light and soul to bring emotional and spiritual satisfaction to my life. I will quote something I say to people everyday; "Enjoy each day because no one else can or will do it for you." It is our own responsibility to enjoy our own lives, experiences, and our emotions and to always learn from them.
I have had a rebirth in my relationships with others and especially with myself and my world (both inner and outer). I can listen to others, myself, and my surroundings more now than at any time in my life. As we all do, I have struggled to keep myself from slipping into the darkness of despair. The best thing I have found to guide myself away from darkness is to know, realize, and understand that the power to overcome anything exists inside of me and requires no outside force or energy. Also, I now know, realize, and understand that I have made it through every problem that I have ever had and the only things that hinders my growth, development, satisfaction, and enjoyment of being alive are my own decisions.
There is nothing in the universe that can judge us and destroy our self-confidence more powerfully than ourselves. I have realized through my own trials that my soul can be whatever I choose it to be. If I choose to ignore my light and my power, I will feel trapped in darkness, powerless, and hopeless. Now, my life is full of enjoyment and light because I have chosen to be the person I want to be and not the person I had let myself become. Nobody made that choice for me, and nobody could have. As long as I relied on my light to come from the outside, I was susceptible to being a subject of the darkness and not the ruler of my own light. Now, I am the ruler of the Light.
I go forward everyday now, knowing that my life is mine to enjoy and that I will enjoy it. I also realize that as long as I allow myself to listen and learn, I will never stop growing and bringing true pleasure and satisfaction to my own soul. And, in doing this, I am finally able to be a positive force in the lives of those I love and those with whom I share existence (human and otherwise).
So, now that I am here, I see deep within my soul and completely understand that from here, there is no going back. Today is all we have; Tomorrow will always be a dream in the sense that now is all we can experience. The past cannot be re-written; therefore all of the darkness is behind me as I walk into the bright light of the sun that is my own soul.
I live my life now as if I will not live tomorrow, because I can only experience what is happening right now. Tomorrow does not exist; “all we have is now…”
(The Light and Divinity in me recognizes and honors the Light and Divinity in you; we are not separate, we are One.)